You just have to wonder why we Filipinos vote the way we do. If our leaders are representative of us as a people, and our representatives try to pass the silliest, most inane laws, then what does that make of us?
In any case, here are eight of the silliest bills our lawmakers have actually proposed. Read them and weep.
1. The Anti-Planking Act (filed by Quezon City Rep. Winston Castelo)
There was a time, not so long ago, when people took a lot photos of themselves in plank poses in every possible place imaginable just because. It was silly, but it was also relatively harmless.
Enter Congressman Winston “Killjoy” Castelo who believes that “unbelieving bus drivers and law enforcement authorities might just ram through these warm and living bodies rolled out on highways.” I can’t even begin to understand what was in his head when he thought of this law. At best, he must have truly believed Filipinos are so stupid we needed a law to stop us from hitting each other with cars and buses because of our burning need to do plank-like poses on streets and highways. He might even have a point. We did vote him into office (or at least our kababayans in Quezon City did).
2. The No Blowing of Car Horns Every Sunday Law (filed by Leyte Rep. Lucy Torres-Gomez)
Under the proposed House Bill 4542, Rep. Lucy Torres-Gomez urged that Sundays should be “No Busina Day” because “in mostly Christian communities, it is on this day that houses of worship are occupied for the members’ mostly solemn religious activities.”
Maybe the good congresswoman believes that the loud noise car horns emit is such an incredibly notorious menace, over and above widespread poverty, terrorism and crime, that this law must be prioritized above all others. I’m sure there’s a study somewhere which shows that car horns kill children or something. Because otherwise this is just really, really stupid.
3. The My Husband’s Lover Act (filed by Albay Rep. Edcel Lagman)
This law proposes to provide wives and husbands the option to criminally charge their partners who are committing same-sex adultery. Without even taking into consideration the fact that what should have been filed was a bill to decriminalize adultery (for everyone, gay or straight), the real crime here is that we actually voted a congressman into office who isn’t above naming a proposed law after a popular soap opera.
4. The Let’s Just Choose Random Things and Make Them National Things Law (filed by Bohol First District Rep. Rene Relampagos)
Okay, so I invented that name, but it’s still pretty accurate. What is up with lawmakers’ fixation on declaring some thing as a “national” thing? It’s stupid and pointless. Whether it’s calling adobo the national dish, or designating the Hunks as the national boyband for all eternity, these declarations are still a complete waste of the legislature’s time that is better used crafting laws about practically anything else.
5. The No Cutting in Line Law (filed by Representatives Rodel Batocabe and Christopher Co of the party-list group Ako Bicol)
This law basically provides that people should not cut into lines or they can literally be thrown into jail.
I don’t even know where to begin.
Here’s the thing: lawmakers aren’t required, and shouldn’t for a host of practical reasons, to make laws about anything and everything under the sun. Yes, there are times when someone cuts in front of me in a line and I want to smack that bastard, but these little minor inconveniences shouldn’t be part of the legislature’s agenda mostly because they are just that: little minor inconveniences. I’m pretty sure there are a ton of other more pressing subject matters we can focus on; say, climate change, or a serious lack of funding for education, or hunger. Why can’t our congressmen focus on that?
6. The Anti-Sex Toy Act (filed by Buhay party-list Rep. Irwin Tieng)
I swear, is the Buhay party-list exclusively composed of a bunch of crabby old priests and virgin prudes who’ve grown so stubborn they’ve managed to incapacitate themselves from imagining the possibility that sex isn’t evil at all? That sex could possibly, maybe, in some alternate universe, actually be pleasurable? Because why prohibit the sale and distribution of sex toys? Is the good congressman afraid that women may actually experience orgasms? Because that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a great, wonderful thing, notwithstanding whatever sex-is-dirty talk you may hear.
7. The Half-Rice Bill (filed by Senator Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr.)
This proposed law aims to punish restaurants who do not serve half-cup portions of rice. Because rice is sacred probably, and the evil rice monster will kill all of us unless we eat half-cup portions of rice. Honestly, I don’t know. This is just stupid. I’m tired.
8. The Anti-Koreanovela Bill (filed by Buhay Partylist Rep. Lito Atienza)
The Buhay party-list seems like a smart bunch of people. Because aside from banning sex toys, they also want to ban koreanovelas. Because those Korean superstars are evil, cruel people who shouldn’t be emulated. Or something. I don’t know. I quit. WHY ARE WE VOTING THESE PEOPLE INTO OFFICE?
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